Dear (eX)

It began from the time I stepped out of the comfort of my parent’s shelter.
Right from the time when you, as that classmate in kindergarten said, “You can’t sit in the front row. You’re a girl.”

I knew from then on, that outside the four walls of my home, it would always be ‘What I want’ vs ‘What others want from me’

As I grew older, the gap between these two wants grew too.

From that kindergarten person you became multiple and manifold
You came into my life as many people and in different roles
One in the garb of a friend said ,’You won’t be able to do that’
Another posing as a well-wisher opined, ‘It’s not right for you to do that’
Someone who was a senior at work reprimanded, ‘No wonder the results weren’t favorable. You should have just followed my instructions and not used your own brains.”
A dating partner meeting me for the first time warned, ‘That attitude or lifestyle won’t work in the long-term for you’
It seemed you and your kind knew more about me, my abilities, my choices and what I could not or should not to do.

But every time I heard someone’s ‘no’,
Every instance when someone thought they knew me or what’s best for me, better than I did
The determination to go ahead, grew too.
It was more to prove and test myself,
Rather than to prove a point that I was right and they were wrong.

What I don’t want to do, I will not do.
But what I want to do, I will.
This is what I kept telling myself every time one of your kind doubted me or outright said I can’t or shouldn’t.
What kept me going you might wonder
It was the consciousness that I was doing what I loved or at least something that satisfied me.
There was also the zest for personal growth, which your kind usually didn’t get right.

So, thank you to all those who said or thought I couldn’t do it or I’m not good enough Because, with every doubt on my personality, my work or my behaviour,
With every rejection and every no, I moved a little more closer to being a better human being, personally and professionally
Thank you to each of you and your kind
For entering and exiting my life at the right time

Gratefully,
Someone who didn’t bow down to your rejection
Someone who is happy you’re aren’t a part of my life anymore

***

I’m participating in #BlogchatterA2Z and this is my twenty-fourth post for the month long challenge corresponding to the alphabet ‘X’. Check out my theme reveal to know more.

Catch the posts corresponding to other alphabets: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z.

Stay tuned for my next post, corresponding to the alphabet ‘Y’, coming up on Monday.

Thank you for reading.

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